Today I met Anne

As I was on my way to my sister's basketball game today, I saw a woman on the sidewalk walking. This woman wasn't any unfamiliar woman to me, in fact, In the summer time, I see her often. She unashamedly wears her swim suit top, running shorts (or something of the like), has a book in her hand, and walks. She walks and walks and walks and walks. Many times I have wondered, "where is that lady going? How long has she been walking? Gosh, she walks as if she is in pain. Is this a part of her daily routine? Who is this woman?" Even as my mom and I would take short trips in the car, doing our little errands, we would point out, "there's that woman again. Where is she going?"
One day, some months ago, perhaps a year, after seeing this woman walking I concluded that I was going to stop her and talk with her to find out the answers to my questions and who she is. The interesting thing about God planning our days for us is that we don't know what they will exactly hold and today was the day I was going to meet that woman. Today I met Anne.
I do admit, once I saw her, I hesitated parking my car. So I proceeded past her, turned a corner, backtracked, turned again, and asked God for boldness, the words to say, and to dispel all hesitation due to probable awkwardness. I parked my red convertible on the the side of the street, got out of the car, left it running, shut the door, walked in her direction and began my introduction. Using force in my voice, due to the distance between us, I said, "excuse me ma'am! Ma'am! Excuse me."
She stopped, a bit unaware of why I was wanting her attention, as I proceeded, "I see you walking a lot, especially in the summer, and I wanted to say hi."
The woman said, " Walking is healthy. My name is Anne. I live around this area. Are you a college student here at Augustana?"
I told here a bit about the past couple of years of my life and how I attended some bible schools. We asked questions back and forth as we began walking together; I got the impression that Anne doesn't like standing still for too long. I was finding it a bit hard to keep my footing in the slick snow- perhaps it is the lack of traction on my boots, but Anne was pro. Along with a noticeable limp in her walk and slouch in her back, and frailty in her structure, she was holding a gas station tumbler in her right hand- the whole time I wondered what it contained but never asked.
Anne told me that she went to high school here in the city of Sioux Falls, around forty five years ago. She now walks, swims, and teaches english to people who have immigrated here. Anne is 60, which took me by surprise, because she looks like she could be for 85. She lives by herself, but that's as far as I got to know. She picked up her pace and didn't give me a formal good-bye, but just walked on over the hill in the road. As I slowed my pace, I said in a raised voice, "Anne, Jesus Christ loves you." I hope those words forever remain in her thoughts.
I walked back to my car, which was now a block away, and I thought of what it would be like to be Anne. I looked at the trees and thought of how she is able to enjoy them, because they are her company. The buildings are probably wonderful sights, especially the mosaics of the Lutheran church that we were by. I'm sure the books that she holds, or the contents of the mug in her hand provide some sort of joy as well...
I wonder if Anne is lonely. I wonder if she ever wants someone to just walk with her, listen to her thoughts, and to talk back.
This unexpected encounter with Anne will probably forever change my life, maybe not drastically right away, but eventually. Maybe she hasn't heard the name of Jesus Christ in a long time; maybe she's never come in contact with a person in whom He indwells. Did He, Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit, God, the Father, continue on in the walk with Anne today? I trust He did. Did she know His presence? Did she feel His peace? Did she know His joy?
I know we are like fragrance to those we meet."For we are to God the fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing. To the one we are the aroma of death leading to death, and to the other the aroma of life leading to life." 2 Cor. 2:15 & 16a
May Anne be in the company of the former.
There are many more words on my heart and in my head and lessons I was taught today, but I'll leave this segment of my encounter with Anne as is, perhaps adding to it later.
Today I met Anne and I am grateful for it.

I Am Thankful

This song has been running through my head this morning and I would like to share the words with you all:

How could I ever say thank you
When the whole of this life’s not enough
Though I offer each breath back in worship
It never could match your great love

So great are your ways
Such encompassing grace
Love that reaches beyond each defense
Your mercy disarms
The most broken of hearts
Such complete and profound faithfulness
How could I thank you

How could I ever repay you
When you laid aside heaven for me
You came to the earth, its Creator
Incarnate to set sinners free

I love you Lord
I love you Lord
I love you Lord
I love you Lord

By Katherine Scott

How can I truly thank God for all He's done? For salvation and freedom, hope and peace, love and joy, I'm thankful. For my family, friends, adventures and times of quiet rest, I'm thankful. For the good, the trials, the testings, the fires, and the mountain tops where I can declare that God is good, I am thankful. For the food and friends and family that fill this day, I am thankful.
Why do we even enjoy such blessings? And then, topping it all, to think of the hope of heaven, the reunion we will will have face to face with the One who created us! Our unrighteousness will truly be purged, our sin will never be a part of us again. Our relationship with LOVE will be restored perfectly; every desire, longing, and aching met by the One who has eyes like the flame of fire.
Thank you Lord. Thank you Lord.
For You Lord, I am thankful.

In Your Heart

"And in their hearts they turned back to Egypt..." Acts 7: 39b
The heart. We know that out of it's abundance, the mouth speaks. We know we are to guard it diligently because out of our heart flows the issues of life. Our hearts are both wonderful and dangerous places.
I remember years back having my bible school teachers always say, "The heart of every issue is the issue of every heart" and I'm finding that to be more and more true.
I just recently came back from a trip to Southern Cali and upon my return, I've found that I have had an uneasy heart. Physically, I am in Sioux Falls, SD, but in my heart, I'm partly still there. I desire an undivided heart.
This is the problem, to some extent, that the Israelites had when they came out of Egypt. They turned away in their hearts from the Lord and the place He had them. They were in the wilderness; an undesirable, uncomfortable and unfamiliar land. They had spent 400 years in captivity and after coming through a great deliverance, they doubted God's continued guidance and in their hearts, left God.
So let's apply this to our lives. In what way have we been delivered? Has it been from an addiction? A lifestyle that reflects the world? Maybe anger or yelling profanities? Have you been delivered from thoughts that lead to depression, maybe even suicide? Do you find yourself going back? Are you in a place where you've been delivered, but, because you are experiencing a wilderness and God's next step has yet to be revealed to you, you are turning to the place you've been delivered from?
Let's learn from the children of Israel, the one's who bore the name of "Chosen By God", just as we do, to not turn back! Take up the shield of faith, breastplate of righteousness, belt of truth, helmet of Salvation, the shoes of the Gospel of peace and the sword of the Spirit and stand- endure patiently in the wilderness. God's plans will be revealed.
The reason I write is because I'm going through it. I need more than anything to not have a heart that turns back to Egypt. I need patience and faith, hope and love through it all. I need to stand when I all I want to do is quit. I'm desperate and unashamed to admit so. But just because I can't see, because I don't know what is ahead, I don't want that to make me long for what is behind.
"Now unto Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy, to God our Savior who alone is wise, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and forever. Amen." Jude 24 & 25
May God speak to your heart.
-Handmaiden of the Lord.

12 flowers for 21 years

Like the flowers I got for my 21st birthday, I want to be as fragrant to those who pass by.
The sweet smell of my dozen white roses (thank you precious dad) is filling my room and reminding me of how a life can be. A life is like a flower- beautiful to behold. It blooms and it dies. That's how life is. As grass withers, and flowers fade, so do we. But this thing remains; the word of God.
I guess I just want to be as fragrant as possible while I'm here, before I die. And I'm not trying to sound morbid whatsoever, I just want to view life from a broad perspective. We have only one life to live; how am I living it? Am I, like the white roses, immersed in water, fragrant and brining joy to those who come in contact with them? Or am I more like a weed, a bother, destructive, life-sucking and ugly?
I want to be like my roses.
Small thought tonight as I close out day one of being 21.
"All flesh is grass, and all its loveliness is like the flower of the field. The grass withers, the flower fades, because the breath of the LORD blows upon it; surely the people are grass. The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our god stands forever." Isaiah 40:6b-8

Hair up, p.j.'s on, we are free!

Have you ever gotten home after some sort of formal occasion where you needed to look fancy and the first thing you do when you step over the threshold of your door is run into your room, change into the most comfortable clothes you own (most likely your p.j.'s) wash your face, pull your hair up (assuming your are a girl), and plop on the couch in blissful relief because you are home, and you can just be you; no heels, no dress, no plastered hair?
I was recently at a high school during an outreach to the freshman there and I had this scenario ran through my mind. As I viewed the girls, and as I looked into my own self, I realized how much we just want to be us, be comfortable, be home. But there is opposition to that, isn't there? Well, if our hair isn't done right, if our clothes don't match the fashion standards, if our makeup isn't making us look bright and happy and awake, then, well, it needs to be! But what I've found is trying to maintain that, striving for such perfection and outward happiness is tiring. I just want to be me- no makeup, no fancy hair that has all the product in it to give lift, shine, and curl- no, nothing. I just want to be me, purple star p.j. pants and all!
God wants us to come to Him, just as we are, however quirky onlookers we view ourselves as. God loves His daughters to just have no reserve in approaching him (his sons too, but fella's, I'm sorry I just can't relate to you as well). God requires no clean up.
So I want to make this declaration to any of my sisters who feel like they have been striving in maintaining a life that personifies something much more perfect than what they know they are: Let's live, for our God, and be free to come to him with all our imperfections in tact! Yes, take out those contacts, put on the nerdy glasses, wash your face, pull back your hair, slip on the sweat pants, laugh, smile, be unashamed of who your Father has made you to be! No more pretending; you are beautiful and wonderful and full of unique character just the way you are, and you don't even have to try!
WE ARE FREE, my sisters, we are free!
"What heights of love, what depths of peace, when fears are stilled, when strivings cease. My Comforter, my All in all, here in the love of Christ I stand."

Fairytale Love Stories and Happily-Ever-Afters

Sometimes I wonder where God is going to take me next or how He's going to surprise me and make my wildest dreams come true. I suppose you can call me one of those "helpless romantics"; yeah, I'll own up to that title. Thinking about fairytale love stories with happily-ever-afters does seem to be the topic of many of my thoughts. I have conjured up great ways to be whisked away by my knight in shining armor. Like this one: I'll be walking along in a quiet park filled with giant green trees and colorful flowers. Just as I stoop to admire on, to engage myself in the intricate beauty of it, all of a sudden a handsome man taps me on the shoulder, and ever so politely, yet boldly asks, "Do you mind if I join you in your admiration of this beautiful creation?" Then, after chatting about the flower for a bit, we raise ourselves to our feet, stroll along the sidewalk, talking and pausing to glance into each others eyes. There is not one stupid or ditzy word that I say that makes him want to leave the conversation and there surely isn't one word he could say that I wouldn't hold to as if it were gold. Simply to state it, we fall in love. Strolls in the park turn to adventures in our car, which turn to family gatherings for holidays, which turn to every day phone calls, grocery shopping dates, morning wake up calls, prayer on the phone, bible study, and as the days progress, so does the love. Then comes the day, the day I would least expect to be a special one, and just as gently as he knelt down the first time we talked over the flower, he kneels down again to ask me to be his bride. "Yes" I smile, barely able to utter any other words. "Yes" I say as I look into the eyes of the one who has chosen me to spend the rest of his life with. "Yes" I say to the next step of faith, the new season in life, the identity of now being one with this man and having his name as my own. Then comes everything wedding; details, plans, mothers, grandmas, in-laws, dresses, catering, cake, honeymoon.... and then, then.......
Life. Together. Forever.
Perhaps I've allowed myself to meditate on these kinds of thoughts far too much. Perhaps I have let these fantasies so captivate my thoughts that I have forgotten what a love I have right here, right now, in Christ.
He'll look at the flowers with me. He'll walk along the park sidewalks and listen to my every silly word. He'll whisk me away on adventure, introduce me to the body of Christ, my family, in whom I had no clue I had. He'll be there to talk when I wake up. He'll accompany me on every grocery outing. He's place the Holy Spirit in my life as a seal, as if He's put a ring around my heart. All I do now is look forward to the day He calls me, His bride-to-be, to come, enter in the marriage supper of the lamb, where He, the groom, and me, His bride, will be united and together forever and ever, where He will give me a new name.
It seems as though I already have my perfect love story. It seems as though all those fairy tale thoughts have partially come true and are promised to fully come true.
But I'm here right now, on earth, and I know I am to be content, in whatever state I find myself in. Do my hearts longings to be a bride hold any validity, or is it impatience that is really groaning within me? I would hope to think that if truly I were impatient, then I would just say, "HEY EVERY SINGLE GODLY MAN OUT THERE- WANNA MARRY ME?" and I haven't done that. Yes, I do admit I have to take my questions to God, surrender my thoughts and say, "Oh, Lord, could it be he?" I would be lying by saying I don't notice single godly men. And what is it that when there is a single godly man in the room, there is this tension, this pull of opposing or attracting magnetic force? What a mystery. But I'm honest to God, and now to all who read this, about my thoughts.
Nonetheless, I wait. I trust, that all the fantasizing I've done in the past, ever since my brain comprehended the concept of falling in love, that God has a perfect plan. Do I take on the role of the princess in the tower waiting for her prince? Do I take on the role of the princess who gets out of the tower, finds the gentlest, handsomest, hard working man with a loyal heart and courageous character and tell him, "I want to be yours forever?" Take action, or wait? Trust and sit, or trust and walk toward what I see may be the best?
A very wise man once said, "The very best choice will be made when God does the choosing." So I guess all these answers to these deep hearts questions can be answered by the One who made me, and Him alone.
I want to happily wait, seek God, and see where He s going to take me next or how He's going to surprise me and make my wildest dreams come true.
"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," says the LORD. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts." -Isaiah 55:8&9
These words I hold as my promise. Thank You heavenly Father.
So wait, i will. And walk, I will. Seek, I will. Ask, I will. Knock, I will, and I will trust that the author of my fairytale love story and happily-ever-after will make it come true.

Preparations of a Bride

My dear friend is getting married today. I have thinking about the preparations she has to go through; every detail leading up to this day where her and her groom prepare make the covenant to be man and wife forever.
Marriage is huge. I use to think I was so ready for marriage(yes, these were thoughts of mine in high school). I was sure it was just going to be a blissful breeze and that I would have a fairy tale "happily-ever-after". Oh, how I know my marriage is going to be wonderful, how I know that God is preparing me to be that bride even right now, and it's that very process that is making me realize what a huge responsibility marriage is.
I want to see my relationship with Jesus in the same light. Though I can't see my Groom, He is real and I'm really being prepared to meet Him face to face. What am I doing to prepare? Am I taking short cuts? Am I neglecting my beauty appointments, my spa treatments, my guest list, my decorations, all in a spiritual application? Does my dress fit? Are the alters made? Is my jewelry matching and sparkling? What about my bridesmaids? Am I communicating with them all the details they need to know about the wedding day?
All these thoughts have been swirling around my mind; it's my mind is a giant canvas and the thoughts are the colors; the picture is left unfinished, but I know it's going to turn out beautifully.
"Can a maid forget her ornaments, or a bride her attire? Yet my people have forgotten me days without number." (Jeremiah 2:32)
I want to be a prepared bride, not neglecting, not forgetting my Groom and the glorious day of our uniting in perfection.

Edify

Every day I receive a "word for the day" through merriam-webster.com. My dad was one that showed me this vocabulary expanding tool and I'm thankful he did. Some of the words have been wonderfully funny, like "bludge" "Callithump" "Molly-Coddle" or "embonpoint" (pronounced the french way), but sometimes (knowing our God is a God of no happenstance)the word completely matches up with what I need to hear or what God is speaking to my heart.
Edify. Today's word.
I'm reading through Ezra. The people have returned to Jerusalem, under commands of King Cyrus, to build the temple that had been laying in ruins because all of Israel and Judah had been taken into captivity. After offering up the burnt sacrifices and reestablishing the feasts, the people laid the foundation of the temple and proclaimed with singing, praise, and shouting, "For He is good, for His mercy endures forever toward Israel".
What happened next? COMPLETE ATTACK! First, through trickery and deceit; the surrounding adversaries said to the heads of the Jews, "Let us build with you" but they said, "You may do nothing with us". The enemy then told the king of Persia that the Jews were building a rebellious and evil city; that they won't pay taxes, tribute, or customs to the king. The king was convinced by the lies and the work of the house of God ceased.
Edify.
I guess we all come to points in our lives where we see ruins all around us. We see relationships that have crumbled, communication that has been long cut off, love that has grown cold, and we hear the command from our King to build. We set off, offer ourselves as living sacrifices, and start building and lay the foundation. Then, just as we step back to wipe the sweat from our brow and take a look at the progress, we hear the words of attack; the bitter, sharp, cutting, destructive words. Is it time to stop? Is it time to quit? Do we listen?
Edify, to build up.
Could my failure to continue to edify actually cause others to be defeated and the foundations of their lives be turned into ruins again? That is a sobering question. I know God doesn't need us, He will raise up those that edify others, but He wants to use us.
"But let us who are of th day be sober, putting on the breastplate of faith and love, and as a helmet the hope of salvation. For God did not appoint us to wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us, that whether we wake or sleep, we should live together with him. Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing." 1 Thes. 5:8-11.
When it's the hardest, edify. When attacks come, edify. When love waxes cold, edify. When sorrow is the only emotion felt, edify. When you feel like you can't labor anymore, edify. And as you are edifying, pray for help, because the Helper, our Comforter, the Shepherd of our souls, is near.
These words are good reminders to me... I need them now more than ever.

Rent

"And the LORD God of their father sent warnings to them by His messengers, rising up early and sending them, because He had compassion on His people and on His dwelling place. But they mocked the messengers of God, despised His words, and scoffed at His prophets, until the wrath of the LORD arose against His people, till there was no remedy." 2 Chronicles 36:15 & 16
What a sobering passage to read.
Has God sent me warnings that I have mocked, despised and scoffed at? Have I so deafened my ear that I have gone to places of sin where I am suffering from it?
"So rend your heart, and not your garments; return to the LORD your God, for He is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness; and he relents from doing harm. Who knows if He will turn and relent, and leave a blessing behind Him- a grain offering and a drink offering for the LORD your God?" Joel 2:13 & 14.
My heart I rend and to You God, I turn. Thank you for your mercy, kindness, forgiveness, and that you let me acknowledge my sin, confess it, and give me the grace to walk past it and leave it behind forever.
I am rent.

In the Valley Again

It's been a while since I have past sat down to write. My intention when I started this blog was to continually be posting, allowing this to be an outlet of what I was learning, experience, wondering, walking through; revealing God's heart to you as He was revealing it to me. I often find my thoughts so scattered that I don't want to scatter other's with them; that would be doing us both a discredit, so that is why I haven't posted as much as I would like. Then I thought of this blog as being more of my viewable journal, which is probably another very bad idea. So what should this be? What should I post?
Answer if you feel wish, or leave the questions open ended if that would be better... eventually God will show me, I know it. I know He still wants me to show other's His heart, so I will continue in that and trust that He will direct the words I type.
So, as this whole blog thing develops, and I get a concrete vision of what it should contain, I will fill the rest of this entry with an update on the happenings of my life right now.
I am in Napa Valley once again, living with the Kim family (my sister, brother-in-law, and three wonderful nephews, not to forget the one niece or nephew expected in December). I graduated from the SOW on May 21st, 2010 and now, I'm going where God is taking me. New season, as the last post contained, new areas of trust, newness all around. Being back in Napa has been a treat, like a decadently frosted giant chocolate cupcake. I love the people here. I love my friends. I love my family. I love the beauty of the landscape. I love the sunsets. I love the marshlands. Yes, one giant cupcake.
I've accumulated a lot of stuff this past year- or- erase that... I've gotten a lot of my old stuff sent to me in packages and when my family drove down from SD to visit last summer and now, I just want to get rid of it. Have you ever completely wanted to rid yourself of your whole wardrobe, accessories, trinkets, baskets, ect.? Right now I just want to keep the essentials and give the rest away. I have a tiny uncling in the back of my brain that I would end up regretting such a drastic detachment. But I know God would provide. And didn't Jesus tell the disciples not to take an extra tunic or money bag when He sent them out to tell others the gospel? I'm sure these men had houses, probably wives and children, and kept their belongings there, but they were assured by Jesus that taking nothing would mean He would provide everything.
So, where should my stuff stay? Where should all my belongings rest? Some of them are here, in the valley, others are in SD. Maybe it's ok to have them in both places.
Luke 9= so good. It contains the story of Jesus feeding the five thousand with the two fish and five loaves, or is it five fish and two loaves... it's the first. Jesus blessed it, He distributed it, and Jesus did the miracle. I know He will always provide.
My time for writing is over now. God's timing is always good.
Until the next time.... next though, next insight into God's heart....

Newness Through Patient Endurance

Would we know the calm without the storm?
Would we bask in the warmth of the sun's rays had we not felt the bitter cold of the winter?
"To everything there is a season,
a time for every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born,
And a time to die;
A time to plant,
And a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill,
And a time to heal;
A time to break down,
And a time to build up;
A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones,
And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace,
And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain,
And a time to lose;
A time to keep,
And a time to throw away;
A time to tear,
And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence,
And a time to speak;
A time to love,
And a time to hate;
A time of war,
And a time of peace."
Ecclesiates 3:1-9
"For lo, the winter is past,
The rain has come and gone,
The flowers appear on the earth;
The time of singing has come.
The voice of the turtle dove
Is heard in our land.
The fig tree puts forth her green figs,
And the vines wiht the tender grapes
Give a good smell.
Rise up, my love, my fair one,
And come away!"
Song of Solomon 2:11-13
Perhaps this is a new season for you. Perhaps God is saying, "This is the way, walk in it". Concerning God's promises, Hebrews 6:13-20 says this:
For when God made a promise to Abraham, because He could swear by no one greater, He swore by Himself, saying, 'Surely blessing I will bless you, and multiplying I will multiply you.' And so, after he had patiently endured, he obtained the promise. For men indeed swear by the greater, and an oath for confirmation is for them an end of all dispute. Thus God, determining to show more abundantly to the heirs of promise the immutability of His counsel, confirmed it by an oath, that by two immutable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we might have strong consolation, who have fled for refuge to lay hold of the hope set before us.
This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which enters the Presence behind the veil, where the forerunner has entered for us, even Jesus, having become High Priest forever according to the order of Melchizedek."
Patiently endure the storm, you will rest in the calm. Patiently endure the winter for you will be ready to bath in the sun. Newness will come, as God has promised you. It is impossible for God to lie.

Piano Class Panic

Elva Frye, my piano teacher and a woman of God that I highly admire and look up to, lost her phone today while she was teaching our piano class. We looked high and low, traced and retraced her steps and the places she could have misplaced it, searched her car, searched her purse, and prayed.
When things are lost, my older sister tells me "God knows where all lost things are; He sees it so ask Him to show you where it is. Nothing is lost to God." So I took Elva's hand, closed my eyes, and asked my All Knowing Father to show us where the phone was. I asked. We looked. No phone.
After 30 minutes expired,Elva began panicking, in more of an irritated sense than frantic. With a last attempt,she mustered her will up to go into a room she had already checked twice before. I sat down, opened my lap top, and chatted with a couple friends. I knew God heard our prayers so I was just going to rest in that and get the rest of my day going. Suddenly, booming from behind a creaked door, I hear Elva's voice saying, "GOD FOUND MY PHONE FOR ME!" Yes, God knew where it was all along and He led Elva to it. Proceeding a hearty "hallelujah", Elva said that when we prayed, I was the one to ask for God to reveal where her phone was, but she didn't ask, BUT, right before she entered in that room for the third time, she stopped on the stairs and asked God to show her where her cell was hiding. She began to tell me that she has a history of doing this: even with her husband, he'll ask for something to be found, but she won't. Always, though, when she has the faith and asks, the lost item is found.
I couldn't help but directly think of this lesson as to how it would relate to our lives and relationships with God. Doesn't He say, "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened" (Mat. 7:7-9)? Yes, Jesus Christ told us these words. And following these words, Jesus paints us this scenario: "Or what man is there among you, who if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, ow much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!"
What are you asking for? What am I asking for right now in life? Direction? Vision? Love? Patience? A job? A spouse? Well my sisters and brothers, let us ask- LET US ASK. Talk to God about it. Shut your door, open His word that is the lamp unto your feet, and ask for the things that are weighing heavy on your heart. He hears you.
Elva's phone was lost. Elva asked Her Heavenly Father where it was. Elva's Heavenly Father took her straight to it.
Let us ask.

Talking To God

The Mighty One, God the LORD, has spoken and called the earth from the rising of the sun to its going down. Out of Zion, the perfection of beauty, God will shine forth. Our God shall come, and shall not keep silent; a fire shall devour before Him, and it shall be very tepestuous all around Him.
He shall call to the heavens from above, and to the earth, that He may judge His people; "Gather My saints together to Me, those who have made a covenant with Me by sacrifice." Let the heavens declare His righteousness, for God Himself is judge.
Selah
"Hear, O My people, and I will speak, O Israel, and I will testify against you; I am God, your God! I will not rebuke you for your sacrifices or your burnt offerings, which are continually before Me. I will not take a bull from your house, nor goats out of your folds. For every beast of the forest is Mine, and the cattle on a thousand hills. I know all the birds of the mountains and the wild beasts of the field are Mine.
"If I were hungry, I would not tell you; for the world is Mine, and all its fullness. Will I eat the flesh of bulls, or drink the blood of goats? Offer to God thanksgiving and pay your vows to the Most High. Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me."
But to the wicked God says: "What right have you to declare My statues, or take My covenant in your mouth, seeing you hate instruction, and cast My words behind you? When you saw a thief, you consented with him, and have been a partaker with adulterers. You give your mouth to evil, and your tongue frames deceit. You sit and speak against your brother; You slander your own mother's son. These things you have done, and I kept silent; You thought that I was altogether like you; But I will rebuke you, and set them in order before your eyes."
"Now consider this, you who forget God, lest I tear you in pieces, and there be none to deliver; Whoever offers praise glorifies Me; and to him who orders his conduct aright I will show the salvation of God."
Psalm 50
God, this is who You are. God, you will shine forth. Mighty God, you will not keep silent. All-knowing counselor, You alone know the beginning through to the end. You don't desire sacrifices and actions I take to outwardly please You while my inward heart is in a whirlwind of all manner of despair. You say, "Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me." I call upon you right now, right here. Deliver. Shine forth. With Your fire, burn up the chaff of my life; I trust Your refining fire.
I offer you thanksgiving. I don't know how You are going to provide, I just know You are. Thank You. I don't know how you are going to guide, I just know you are. Thank You. I don't know what new steps of faith or obedience I'm going to have to take, I just know I will. Thank You and, Father, help me. I don't know how all these dead ended situations in my life are going to be used for good, but Your word says, "All things work together for the good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose." Thank You. Thank You for Your Word; Saturate me. Thank You for cleansing me with Your Word.
God, others need You too. Others need to hear You. Draw them to Your word. Work on behalf of Your children. Comfort their weary and frail hearts. Hold them. Shelter them. Be their refuge. All that you promise to be, You are; Remind them. Give Your children strength to speak of You, live for You, love because of You. Fulfill all our purposes! We are Your children, Father. Who else do we have to show us how to live but you? Who else can we glean strength? Where else can we find wisdom? Nothing else but You will do; You are everything. Stir our hearts, strengthen our legs, help us stand and fight and conquer. Turn our love toward You and help us to love others, oh please, help us to love.
Thank You God for never forsaking us. Thank You that when we seek first the Kingdom of Heaven, all the things that concern us are added to us. Thank you that You provide.
Thank You God. Thank You for all you are doing and all you have yet to do.
These praises I offer You. Bring salvation. I love You Father.

Compelled by God's Love

I am taking a class entitled, "The Attributes of God". Our teacher is Brian Broderson and the book we are studying through is "Knowing God" by J.I. Packer. Today's topic of study was "The Love of God". What a vast topic.
"For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and rounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height- to know the Love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God."
-Eph. 3:14-19
My heart is rattled a bit. In the light of God's pure love, my filthy and self-seeking love is exposed. Do I even love? Of myself, I know that the answer is, "no". I don't love; I can't love of myself. Yet I find myself faking love or trying to use my own love. I know that is a deep confession, but it is true. I try to, out of my own goodness, show goodness to others and when I'm not feeling good, I'm not being good to others. I beat up those who are most precious around me, falsely claiming that I still love them.
View my life and you will see a sinner. View my journal pages and you will hear selfish requests. Why would God choose me? Why would He still want to use me? Why would I still be worthy of pure, jealous, sincere love?
"But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."
-Ephesians 2:4-13
When Jesus was praying to God right before He was going to be tried in court for His claims to be God, he prayed this:
"I do not pray for these alone [people that already believed that He was the Messiah and Son of God], but also for those who will believe in Me through their word; that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me. And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one; I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me. Father, I desire that they also whom You gave Me may be with Me where I am, that they may behold My glory which You have given Me; for You loved me before the foundation of the world."
-John 17:20-24
God has loved us from before the foundations of the World, just like He loved His one and only begotten Son, God in flesh. He's really loved us like He's loved Himself I suppose. Didn't Paul exhort husbands also to love his wife like he loves himself; like he nourishes and takes care of himself? And doesn't Paul also say that husbands are to lay down their lives for their wives like Christ laid down His life for us?
I do believe this entry contains a theme of a previous entry... Selfless love. I suppose it is an unescapeable theme.
How can God so equate with us? Why does He? Why did He choose to become so much lower than His glory to equate with sinful sinners, such as us? Why has wanting oneness with us?
Love.
J.I. Packer says this:
So the love of the God who is spirit is no fitful, fluctuating thing, as human love is, nor is it a mere impotent longing for things that may never be; it is, rather, a spontaneous determination of God's whole being in an attitude of benevolence and benefaction, an attitude freely chosen and firmly fixed. There are no inconsistencies or vicissitudes in the love of the almighty God who is spirit. His love is "as strong as death" (song 8:6). "Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away" (song 8:7). Nothing can separate from it those whom it has once embraced (Rom 8:35-39).
God loves because He has solidified that choice, and nothing can revert it. How foreign to us, who so often receive and give fluctuating love. My love can be so based on emotion, circumstance and surroundings. God's love is so opposite of that. I need Him to love through me. Oh, how I need God to supernaturally and miraculously love through me.
"For the love of Christ compels us, because we judge thus; that if One died for all, then all died; and he died for all, that those who lives should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again."
2 Cor. 5:14 & 15

New Steps

Where do I begin? Where do I start? How do I begin to write and what do I share?
I'm still here in Huntington Beach, CA for everyone who thinks I've fallen off the face of the planet. I'm still attending the SOW and I am being stretched.
One very new thing that I am doing is leading a worship band in school. I've never lead a worship band or any type of band ever before. We have a great bassist, drummer, pianist, electric guitarist, and anther co-leader in vocals and on acoustic. This experience is stretching and super humbling. I know that I don't have the greatest voice. I know I am by far not the most skilled guitarist (I'm just a beginner!). I know that I'm way more comfortable singing harmonies and playing nothing. But God, but God, hasn't chosen that for me.
1 Cor. 1:26-31 says, For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence. But of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God- and righteousness and sanctification and redemption- that, as it is written, 'He who glories, let him glory in the LORD.'"
This is a section of scripture I'm holding onto right now, each day, each time I walk in the calling God has on my life. My calling is not always hard; I think that our callings are a lot more simple that we all think. Our callings are our lives, just living each day and following Jesus. Some days, it's so fun and simple and nerve-free to walk in my calling. Other days, like many days lately, my calling is nerve-wracking, sweat producing, and anxiety causing... well, that last statement isn't entirely true. My calling is good, but I try so many times to fulfill that calling in my own strength and that's when I get stressed.
It would be a lot easier to just retreat; it would be a lot easier to pack up my bags, to go back to familiarity, to settle into a routine and to surround myself with people whom I have known for years. It would be less stressful, less sweat causing.... it would be less.
Each step taken in this life is a step of faith. We are on this upward climb; on a great and beautiful hike up a large, cloud covered mountain. We can't see the peak, but we take steps upward because we have the end in mind. The destination that gives the motive for the whole hike is unseen yet fully hoped for. I find there are points in this hike that I reach the area of the cloud coverage, and I think "ah, yes, I've gotten as far up this mountain as I can see is here", but then, after wiping my brow, setting down my backpack, I gaze up and the clouds have lifted. There is more mountain to climb. "BUT I GOT AS FAR AS I COULD SEE" my anxious heart exclaims. Now, there is more mountain to climb, the grade is steep, and the next steps are going to take more energy.
That is completely how life is for me. I want to reach that spot, but that spot is unreachable here on earth; that spot, that area of rest, is heaven and it truly is the end goal.
So what do I do in my weakness? What do I do when each step gets harder to take? Has God still ordained and chosen this hike for me when I am weak, when I am frail, when I don't feel qualified to continue? Yes. God has chosen the weak things of this world to confound the wise. The wise, in this world at least, have stopped climbing a long time ago (or never even started climbing) because logically, it didn't make sense to climb the mountain. But God has chosen this beautiful hike, this upward calling, for me and being weak is full qualification.
Do you feel weak? Are people giving you their wisdom that is completely opposite of what God is calling you to? Do you feel feeble? If those answers are yes, know that God has called you and God has chosen you to endeavor on this faith filled hike in life. What are the areas that fearful in your life? What are the hindrances that are in your thoughts that are keeping you from continuing? I know it is so needful for me to write down those things, identify them, see them written on paper and look at them soberly.
We need to remind ourselves of God's truth. God's truth is "Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril or sword?... Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." Romans 8:34-37.
So my weakness, my frailty, my simplicity, my lack of musical perfection or perfect pitch or ability to hit the right chords on the guitar, doesn't disqualify me. God hasn't judged me, like an American Idol panel, and told me to go home. I have just almost asked that He would send me home. How silly is that? Oh how fear and worry inhibit faith.
Tomorrow I am leading worship for the k-5 Sunday schoolers at Calvary Chapel Beachside. This is the first time I'll be leading at beachside on a Sunday and I can't think of a better audience. I know children are very forgiving- they won't have critical ears when I mess up. In fact, I've heard that these kids are so great that they dance and clap their hands when they worship and I am so looking forward to that time of uninhibited worship. I know I'll learn from them tomorrow and receive a bulky blessing.
My mind ponders this: Who am I that God would use me? Who am I that He would choose me? I am nothing, and yet He wants me. I am nothing, and yet He uses me. These facts have been blowing my mind and have put all logic in the dumpster. God's love is so illogical! God's love is incalculable! My thoughts can't compartmentalize it.
Faith. This whole life in Christ is completely settled in this one word. Faith; not even my own but it is the free gift of God (Eph. 2:8-10). But why? I'm not deserving this gift, I'm not deserving of a life full of God's blessings, I'm not deserving of a great calling, I'm not deserving of my desires being fulfilled. But God, just because, has made up His mind to love me unconditionally. The same is for you. God has great things for you just because He loves you.
This post is long and probably much more beneficial to me than to you. Sometimes I just need to write out the swells of thoughts that are in my head and heart. I guess tonight was just a time of opening the flood-gates. I do hope you are encouraged, by this feeble, small, insignificant and weak woman to continue in your own personal life. So are you weak? Well, than just like me, we're qualified and chosen. Let's keep our faith in God and let Him do all He desires to do through us.

By Faith

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. For by it the elders obtained a good testimony.
By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of the things which are visible.
By faith Able offered to God a more excellent sacrifice than Cain, through which he obtained witness that he was righteous, God testifying of his gifts; and through it he being dead still speaks.
By faith Enoch was taken away so that he did not see death, "and was not found, because God had taken him", for before he was taken he had this testimony, that he pleased God. But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
By faith Noah, being divinely warned o things not yet seen, moved with godly fear, prepared an ark for the saving of his household, by which he condemned the world and became heir o the righteousness which is according to faith.
By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to the place which he would receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going. By faith he dwelt in the land of promise as in a foreign country, dwelling in tents with Isaac and Jacob, the heirs with him of the same promise; for he waited for the city which has foundations whose builder and maker is God.
By faith Sarah herself also, received strength to conceive seed, and she bore a child when she was past the age, because she judged Him faithful who had promised. Therefore from one man, and him as good as dead, were born as many as the stars of the sky in multitude-innumerable as the sand which is by the seashore.
These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off were assured of them, embraced them and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth. For those who say such things declare plainly that they seek a homeland. And truly if they had called to mind that country from which they had come to return. But now they desire a better, that is, a heavenly country. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them.
By faith Abraham, when he was tested, offered up Isaac, and he who had received the promises offered up his only begotten son, of whom it was said, "in Isaac your seed shall be called," concluding that God was able to raise him up, even from the dead, from which he also received him in a figurative sense.
By faith Isaac blessed Jacob and Esau concerning things to come.
By faith Jacob, when he was dying, blessed each of the sons of Joseph, and worshiped, leaning on the top of his staff.
By faith Joseph, when he was dying, made mention of the departure of the children of Israel, and gave instructions concerning his bones.
By faith, Moses, when he became of age, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter, choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin, esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in Egypt; for he looked to the reward.
By faith he forsook Egypt, not fearing the wrath of the king; for he endured as seeing Him who is invisible. By faith he kept the Passover and the sprinkling of blood, lest he who destroyed the firstborn should touch them.
By faith they passed through the Red Sea as by dry land, whereas the Egyptians, attempting to do so, were drowned.
By faith the walls of Jericho fell down after they were encircled for seven days. By faith the harlot Rahab did not perish with those who did not believe, when she had received the spies with peace.
And what more shall I say? For the time would fall me to tell of Gideon and Barak and Samson and Jephthah, also of David and Samuel and the prophets; who through faith subdued kingdoms, worked righteousness, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, quenched the violence of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, out of weakness were made strong, became valiant in battle, turned to fight the armies of the aliens. Women received their dead raised to life again.
Others were tortured, not accepting deliverance, that they might obtain a better resurrection. Still others had trial of mockings and scorgings, yes, and of chains and imprisonment. They were stoned, they were sawn in two, were tempted, were slain with the sword. They wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, tormented- of whom the world was not worthy. They wandered in deserts and mountains, in dens and caves of the earth.
And all these, having obtained a good testimony through faith, did not receive the promise. God having provided something better for us, that they should not be made perfect apart from us.
Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the rights hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 11-12:2
Go, by faith. God is your Helper and you don't need to fear.

Don't Stop Fighting

This morning I was reading through 1 Samuel 10, 11 and 12 and God was teaching me this lesson: don't stop fighting the battle.
David had just won a battle against the Syrians; a great victorious battle. David had been fighting justly and God was favorable to Him. David had previously even treated his greatest enemy Saul with love and kindness and favor. David had integrity and was after God's heart. But something happened in chapter 11; something happened in David's heart and he decided not to go out to battle. Was David weary? Did he think that his role in battle was not important? Did he think his army did not need him anymore? Was he doubting his calling?
Whatever turmoil that was in David's heart, he began to think through on his roof. Right there David was met with lust; one of his greatest problems in his life. David had so many wives! He had a lust for women. Satan for sure knew of David's woman weakness and David's flesh was for sure not in opposition for it to be alive in this moment of weariness. Maybe David thought that he needed a woman, a relationship with a beautiful woman, to make his heart less weary. Maybe this woman Bathsheba, would provide happiness. So, he took matters into his own hands and took Bathsheba into his room. David could have diverted his eyes while he was on the roof; he could have not taken Bathsheba into his room. At any one point, David could have said no to the flesh and yes to the Spirit.
I want interject at this point in the story: maybe you find yourself in sin and fill that because you have slipped a little, you must go through will the whole sin. Don't believe that; turn from sin now and don't let matters get worse.
David let matters get worse. He used his cunning deceit and plotting to kill Bathsheba's husband Uriah. Oh, how God's heart was grieved.
A year passed, and in chapter 12 we read of the visitation David received from Nathan the prophet. That day God wanted to deal with David's sin and bring repentance in His heart. After Nathan made the analogy of the rich man and poor man's sheep, David said this in verse 13: "I have sinned against the LORD".
Great mourning and fasting and hardship was in the next week of David's life. His son, in which was conceived through Bathsheba, died. God dealt with this sin and brought about a greater tenderness in David's heart.
Though this was a tragedy, God's grace was abundant. In verse 24, Solomon was born through Bathsheba to David. There was no man wiser in the world than Solomon! Plus, we have two books in the bible written by his hand.
This story is crazy, full of so many details and spiritual applications. I just know that God was telling me this; Don't stop fighting the battle. Keep focused.
I want to encourage you today that though you may be weary, or if you think that because you have sinned a little that you need to go on continuing in that sin, you don't! Don't be deceived!
Paul exhorted Timothy, "But you, O man of God, flee these things and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, gentleness. Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, to which you were also called and have confessed the good confession in the presence of many witnesses" (1 Tim. 6:11 & 12).
Galatians 6:7-9 says, "Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will for the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart."
I know you may be weary, I know you may be having a hard time and Satan is accusing you, but know, God is on your side. I know this because I go through such weariness in life and I just want to give up, sleep it off, do something for myself and sit down in the midst of the battle. Don't give up fighting the good fight. I need to not give up! Put on the whole armour of God and the joy of your salvation! You will reap of blessings, do not loose heart. Be encouraged, you whose hands may be hanging low and who may have weak knees. Strengthen yourself in this battle from the Word, through prayer, through fellowship and let's keep fighting! And maybe for you, this may be a sweet warning from the Lord. Wherever God is meeting you in this, may encouragement and joy come to your soul.
"O LORD of hosts, who is mighty like You, O LORD? Your faithfulness also surrounds You." Psalm 89:8.
Handmaiden of the Lord,
Melissa Rae